Heiter Blog Post

3 Self Love Practices For Your Daily Routine

Self-love is more than just bubble baths, it’s more than a cute slogan on a t-shirt or a snazzy present to yourself. It’s a slow journey filled with understanding who you are, who you were and who you will be - and like all relationships it’s a constant work in progress. 

Unfortunately that isn’t the story we’ve been sold. Self-love in the digital age looks like marriage with kids, doctored selfies, jet-setter holidays, luxury apartments and a full bank account. What if I told you that where you are right now is enough, what you’re starting with right now is enough? You probably wouldn’t believe me, and that’s okay. However, by the end of this article, I hope to have changed your mind. Self-love is free to incorporate into your life, but it does take determination and perseverance to not go back to that old relationship with yourself.

It is not vain to love yourself and see all the pieces. It is not narcissistic either. It’s a necessary part to building a healthy life, and all the elements that go hand in hand with that.

What I want you to do with these practices is to see and make peace with all the parts of yourself, and then slowly - over time - fall in love with yourself. Because you’re worth it, and if anyone should end up feeling lucky enough to spend the rest of their life with you - it should be yourself x

CHANGE YOUR PRIMARY VOICE

What does the conversation in your head sound like? Often, your default primary voice is the voice of a critical figure in your childhood. You probably go about your day being told a string of sentences that featured heavily in your life when you were growing up, none of them were true then and none of them are true now. 

Your primary voice should be a comforting support system, the one voice in your life that cheers you on when you succeed and helps you continue when things are tough. It doesn’t ask anything in return, but it does require you to constantly push that critical voice into silence and pull that kinder one forward. If you struggle thinking of someone who supported you as a child, imagine your older self talking to your younger self and think of the words you’d have liked to have heard. Then talk to yourself with those words, all day every day.

Have your primary tell you it’s going to be okay, even when it feels like it’s not. Have it tell you how amazing you look even when your nose is all bunged up with hayfever. Have it tell you you’re doing great, even when you just got the answer wrong. Have it tell you it loves you, even on the days you feel unlovable.

Change your primary voice, it will change your life.

DATE YOURSELF

We spend a lot of our lives focusing on getting into, cultivating and continuing romantic relationships. They’re all over the media we consume, from the films we grew up on as children to the stories we now read, the adverts that sell us cars/perfume/sofas, and it’s usually the first question we get asked when we meet up with our closest friends. 

Dating is the first step in the game of love, and you’re considered lucky if you can still say that you feel like you’re dating your partner a year on, let alone twenty years on. I’m going to argue that other people aren’t the only individuals we need to date, cultivate and continue the romance with. We need to do that with ourselves too. 

So much of the time we spend in a relationship is wasted expecting someone else to be able to know how to love us. In fact most of us will often use other relationships as a crutch for the one we have with ourselves; dating yourself is the first step away from that crutch. 

Walk out into the world and treat yourself to your favourite thing once a week that you would want a partner to treat you to. Watch a show, take a trip somewhere new, dress up and dance in your kitchen, eat in your favourite cafe. Whatever you look for someone else to do for you in a relationship, do it for yourself first so that you know how to love yourself and you know what to ask for when someone else asks how love you too. 

SMILE

Every day you see yourself in the mirror. When you clean your teeth, when you stand in the changing room, when you go to the toilet at work, when you pass the bakery at lunch, when you fix your hair in your phone camera. 

You’re everywhere you go, and unfortunately most people, (especially women) feel uncomfortable with their reflection. So every day I want you to wake up and the first thing I want you to do when you see yourself in a mirror, is to smile at yourself. Every day when you wake up, that’s the first thing you do. Smile even if you don’t want to, even if it feels silly.

We always smile when we see people we love; be they friends, family, pets, partners. And we think they’re beautiful when they smile back; we feel happy to see them, and we know that they are also happy to see us. So smile at yourself, because somewhere inside of you is a kid who’s a little bit hurt, a little bit unsure and all they want is to see you smile - so they know that you’re happy to see them too.

You can find Alexandra on Instagram @solemniko and every other week on her podcast Notes From A Small Room - having the self-love conversations they won’t put on a t-shirt. Alexandra believes in self-love, long walks by the sea, dog cuddles and bouquets of carnations.

Heiter Blog Post

Journaling: build a daily practise that lasts

Words and images by Alexandra Sebire

Have you ever bought yourself a beautiful notebook, invested in a fountain pen that comes with an assortment of inks; told yourself that this is the year you journal every day…but then somehow you’ve never got past the first three pages? 

This is where most people find themselves. Whatever your reason for abandoning a daily journaling practice is, by the end of this article you’ll hopefully have found the inspiration and motivation that will help you to take down that old notebook and start again. 

In this piece I’ll give you templates for starting a daily practice along with some examples, the templates are easy to use and should take no more than 30 minutes to complete. I’ll also tell you the health benefits that come with a daily journaling practice as well as the rewards you’ll reap that include improved concentration, increased creativity and better awareness of your own self-care practice. 

What I hope you’ll take away from this is that journaling is a personal experience, and it’s your private think-tank so do it in a way that is authentically you! Buy silly stickers, doodle on the pages, add art, cut out images you come across and stick them in. Build a practice that inspires, heals and nourishes you - because you’re worth it.

So many notebooks! The more you journal the more notebooks you’ll get, experiment with your style or stick to what works…the choice is entirely yours.

Journaling is first and foremost a health benefit. But before it becomes a health benefit you have to have the realisation (which you will either force or come upon naturally) that you are worth it. You are worth the time. You are worth the paper. You are worth the pen. You are worth the space that notebook takes up on your nightstand or shelf. And that might sound a bit crazy but when writing about your life, your thoughts, the daily niggles and everyday moments - you have to believe that your life and all that comes with it is worth recording. 

Before you even put pen to paper I would like to invite you to bookmark a time of day - even if it means waking up half an hour earlier than usual - that you are going to put aside every day to journal. At the moment I find the best time for my journaling practice is while I’m having breakfast before I go to work. However when I was living with other people I would wake up very early to journal uninterrupted before the rest of the house was up. Do whatever works for you, but it has to be a time when you will be uninterrupted and not distracted by whatever it is you feel you should be doing with the time that would be more ‘constructive’. 

So, let’s talk about mental health. Journaling is the best tool for increasing positivity, gratitude and awareness of issues within yourself and your life. Writing every day and getting what’s in your head out onto the page is both healthy and constructive. I began journaling when I was going through depression as a teenager, today I journal because if I don’t I feel ‘wrong’ all day! And honestly I put getting out of depression down to journaling every day, without it I don’t know how I would have coped. 

If your mental health is better your emotional health will also improve which will impact your relationships and overall view of the world as well as yourself. Improved mental and emotional health has a knock-on effect with our physical health…basically why wouldn’t you journal?! 

If a notebook doesn’t appeal or it seems a bit overwhelming to choose one that you feel should be perfect, start by writing on your laptop/phone/tablet. Do whatever works for you!

As well as being an amazing health benefit, journaling also helps to create a positive habit that is basically the first step in self-care. Building a daily journaling practice will make you reassess your other habits and probably have a domino effect on how you practice self-care in other areas of your life. This might show up as inputting healthy boundaries, taking time out for you, setting up a grounding practice for recentering yourself, disassociating from people and situations that bring you down.

So, how do you get into this habit? Like all habits it isn’t a simple fix and takes dedication, daily motivation and the desire to build it into your life. It can take anywhere from 18 to 264 days to form a new habit depending on your personality and dedication - for journaling it will probably take two weeks for it to feel natural and a month to have cemented it into your life as a daily practice. Anytime from a month to a month and a half and you’ll probably start really noticing the positive effects it’s having on you and your life. After two months I reckon you’ll start making those big life changes that have been asking for attention all these years!  

Most people don’t keep to a journaling practice because they don’t have any way to construct an entry. That’s the reason I couldn’t keep one for years, and it’s not an uncommon issue at all. At the end of the day we’re all different so the way we journal will be too. Below are two templates for creating a daily journaling practice that I have used over the years which have been incredibly beneficial to me. I hope one of them works for you! 

Add quotes, photos, cuttings from magazines - whatever inspires you.

01: The 5 x 3 Rule

I created for myself to improve my mental health. It’s amazing for increasing positivity, focusing on the good things that have happened and also fitting into a busy schedule! Usually completed at the end of the day, this template doesn’t require lengthy paragraphs so it’s great for social butterflies or busy people with a full house or intense work schedules. The 3 things to do tomorrow will break down your to-do list to manageable chunks while keeping you on track and prioritising what actually needs to be done rather than 10 things that you’ll flap over without actually getting any of it done. Also, just a little word here for anyone feeling overwhelmed by the thought of having to find 5 things that went well every day; these things don’t have to be huge like you got a promotion or completed K2 of Mount Everest. They can literally be that you cooked yourself dinner from scratch, made your bed, had a shower, got up before noon and went for a walk around your garden. Be kind to yourself and build it up slowly. 

• 5 Things that went well (these are your Heiter moments!)

Made breakfast

Walked a new route into work

Swam in the sea on the way home

Went out with the girls for drinks

Stargazed

• 3 Things to do tomorrow

Finish website audit

Have a Heiter moment

Pack suitcase for the weekend

• 3-5 Affirmations

I am enough

I am beautiful

My sex life is so healthy

Make your journaling practice into a self-care ritual for yourself. 

02: The Morning Person

This is my current template and it’s one that was inspired by The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. It’s great for morning people who like to get in a good mood before the day starts, work all the angst out of your system and start as you mean to go on. It does require more time and more writing but it’s a really relaxing one.

• Morning page

A page that you write without thinking about it. Just do a mind-blob and don’t worry about what it say

• 3 things to do

5:30 piano lesson

Clean windows

Order new Heiter issue

• 5-8 affirmations

It is okay to make mistakes

I am rich

It is wonderful to be so successful

I am open to love and intimacy

I attract high vibration energy

Positive opportunities are available to me

Every day I get closer to my dream lifestyle

Alexandra Sebire is an artist, writer and journaling coach based in Poole. She set up SOLEMNIKO studio to be able to practice several disciplines while giving exhibitions, workshops and classes. Find her on Instagram at @solemniko or www.solemniko.com where you can keep track of exhibitions or workshops near you and sign up to her journaling coaching classes if this article has inspired you.