Flight Of The Sparrow
What if the widow of Lyons who died in The Lyons Den was also the leader of a Kingdom in her own right? Join the Mortal Temples series in the retelling of Twelfth Night.
This piece was written as the sequel to The Lyons Den play in The Mortal Temples series. An original take on A Midsummer’s Night Dream for The Fiery Floods Theatre Company.
Olivia: Who asks?
Sir Randolph: Sir Alexander Randolph
Olivia: Ah - I have heard of you Sir
Sir Randolph: And I you
Lord Bainbridge: Challenge him you incompetent fool!
Sir Randolph takes out his white glove: You have insulted my honour wretch, I challenge thee to a duel
Olivia: I am pained to have wronged you, but I cannot imagine how I could have done so when we have never met before
Sir Randolph: You are assuming to court my betrothed, the High Lady Maisie Bainbridge
Olivia: She has not said anything of a betrothal to anyone by the name of Randolph. Or anyone else for that matter. The High Lady is still in mourning
Lord Bainbridge: Do you agree to being a coward and refuse Sir Randolph’s challenge?
Olivia: I am merely asking Sir Randolph if he has got the right man
Lord Bainbridge: Oh he has, no other man has come and gone from the High Lady’s house except for you
Olivia: And I did nothing but converse with the High Lady
Lord Bainbridge: Gaining her trust, you but a shadow of the population. You who are nothing aiming to be something. How dare you
Olivia: If you have such a problem with me Lord Bainbridge why do you not take up the sword for your friend instead? He does not seem to be very confident in his accusation
Sir Randolph: On guard boy
Olivia: If you are sure
Sir Randolph: I think so
They fight
Lord Bainbridge: For Avarice’s sakes Alexander, kill the wretch
Sir Randolph: Fuck off Bainbridge
King Ferdinand
The unscrupulous King from Shakespeare’s least performed play is re-born in this rewriting. The third part of the Mortal Temples series.
Old King John’s play written by Shakespeare is the least performed of all of his pieces. This could be because it is - unfortunately - quite a dull piece. In this addition to the Mortal Temples I have spiced it up a bit, the original is great once you get into the swing of it but sometimes it’s nice not to have to think about ye olde grammar too much! Another piece written in full for the Fiery Floods Theatre Company.
Ferdinand: How much more of your men’s loyal blood are you going to spill to prove your point, out of reach as it is of your borders
Sylvester: How many more of your men will you let be felled to keep a throne that is not even yours usurper?
Ferdinand: Who will they admit into their walls
Sylvester: Ho there, who is your King?
Soldier: When we know him we will say
Sylvester: Know him by Knox - we uphold the claim of the true King of Whitehaven
Ferdinand: A claim which has no more of a foothold to it than metal on ice. I hold the throne and therefore this city - open your gates to the King of Whitehaven
Soldier: A power greater than me holds the keys to the gates of Storby, it is not my choice but the choice of Avarice who enters these gates
Jacob: See how they stand on the battlements watching us fight one another to enter their precious city…like fools at the theatre they gape from the rafters at our entertaining lines and actions. Would it not be better to be friends to win over this little precocious city
Ferdinand: I like the way your mind works nephew. Knox what say you?
Sylvester: It is a logical conclusion to draw, but how do I know this is not part of your obnoxious plan to steal the throne from young Virgil?
Ferdinand: Your son could wed my niece, then we are family rather than warring countries
Sylvester: A marriage of politics
Anastasia: They usually are
Quentin: And this will stop a needless war between our two seats?
Into The Lyons Den
The second instalment in The Mortal Temples series, listen to the full play on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. An original play based on Julius Caesar.
A full original play I wrote for The Fiery Floods Theatre Company back in 2022, based on Julius Caesar it was the second instalment in the Mortal Temples series. You can listen to the full play via this link where it was made into a podcast series. Please note all rights to the play including this passage here is owned by Fiery Floods Theatre Company. I just wrote it but I do not own it!
SCENE FOUR
Enter Savage with soldiers
Savage: Ride out and tell the West flank to bear down on Campbell’s sides - that’s where they are weakest
Enter Naomi and standard bearer from other side of the field
Naomi: We will go in on the other side
Standard Bearer: But they are stronger than us Lady
Naomi: And we will go down bravely - now stay by my side
Standard Bearer: Lady I -
Naomi: Now, when we see Savage’s forces hit Cambell’s side we go in - are the troops ready? Where did he go? Get that man!
Standard Bearer: Lady please
Naomi: You deserted your freedom, you deserted your brothers, your cousins and your future. I have no space for cowards
She kills him
Naomi: Since no man can hold the flag of the Republic, let a woman march forth into the future. Now, forward!
Exit Naomi and her forces
Savage from his side of the field later in the battle
Savage: We went in too early
Soldier: Do you wish for the men to pull out my Lord?
Savage: Bit late for that!
Soldier: They will overpower us
Savage: How is Cross’ army doing?
Soldier: They are clashing, Lady Cross will be enclosed if she doesn’t retreat from her brother’s forces
Savage: Where the fuck is Blake when I need information
Enter Blake
Blake: Savage
Savage: You found us!
Blake: Only just
Savage: What news do you have
Blake: Robin is in Naomi’s camp
Savage: Damn that man!
Blake: That is not the worst bit
Savage: Your face, it has a hollowness to it - what information do you hold?
Blake: It is Naomi -
Savage: No!
Blake: She saw the losses and I tried to get her to leave before Robin found her - he had his men crawling the entire hill. But she would not leave, and then as I was leaving her camp I heard the cry go up
Savage: What happened?
Blake: She got her General to kill her before Robin found her
Savage: But -
Enter Soldier
Sparrow
The first in the Mortal Temples series.
A full play based on Hamlet which I wrote for The Fiery Floods Theatre Company back in 2021. It would end up being the first instalment in the Mortal Temples series which can be heard on all podcast channels. Hamlet is my favourite Shakespeare, so it was a lot of fun to play around with this piece.
Suddenly I see a man like Hugo
Harper: Moustache and sideburns?
Hayden: And the three piece suit. Yes. He didn't have a haze of silver,
Very basic as a ghost, you can imagine.
Still I nearly had an attack,
His pistol was drawn
And he had a bullet hole,
But he didn't say a word.
I had some Dutch courage -
Harper: Whiskey or beer?
Hayden: I'm telling a story. The boys I was with
Had seen him before, though
I hadn't believed their stories.
Harper it was Hugo, I know it was him
Harper: How often does he walk?
Hayden: When it wants to scare souls
Harper: It was Hugo?
The hat and the -
Hayden: Yes!
Harper: Then I'll go, Bring a pistol or two.
If this is a joke your ghost
Will have two bullet holes
In its suit
Exquisite Corpse
Written to celebrate the anniversary of the Surrealist movement, this play is a series of tableaus filled with the weird, fantastical and absurd.
A full original play I wrote for The Fiery Floods Theatre Company back in 2022, it was a fun brief because the scope of the project was so challenging. Through the play (which was composed of different tableaus) I had to weave in certain scenes from the Surrealist movement. The play was created to celebrate the anniversary of the Surrealist movement, as such it was full of weird, wonderful and sometimes slightly mad scenes. I've included a section here. Please note all rights to the play including this passage here is owned by Fiery Floods Theatre Company. I just wrote it but I do not own it!
ACT IV
SCENE I
Antonin Artaud is going into Sigmund Freud’s practice - this entire scene should be over the top at maximum volume and emotion on Artaud’s part.
Artaud: if i wanted to come at another time i would have come at another time
Freud: Artaud
Artaud: i do not want to talk to you. I want, to talk, to Freud
Freud: Artaud
Artaud: well frankly i don’t give a flying -
Freud: Artaud
Artaud: what. Do you want?
Freud: just get inside
Artaud: she wouldn’t bloody -
Freud: i know, i know my friend. Sit down…close the door first
Artaud: you can’t you do that
Freud: i can. That does not mean i want to
Artaud: look okay, you left of your own accord at least. I was kicked out. Like some sort of dog. Too surreal, too weird, too out of the box, too -
Freud: much
Artaud: precisely. Too much for their tiny abilities
Freud: well, perhaps it was just different abilities
Artaud: they said i was unnatural
Freud: Artaud, as a child your parents were cousins…
Artaud: Freud, cut me the bullshit. I am not going to be psychoanalysed and told i am having issues with my self-worth because i fancied my mother as a child
Freud: just a theory, you would be surprised how many people understand once they have talked it through
Artaud: yes but these are people who also believe that Heaven exists and Hell is a bad place
Freud: Hell is a bad place
Artaud: Hell is on Earth, as is Heaven. The rest is all a mass of idiocy as fantastic as anything i could have ever thought of
Freud: what’s wrong Artaud
Artaud: they didn’t kick you out
Freud: no, i left
Artaud: well i know that. What i want to know is why
Freud: why do you think i left
Artaud: because they didn’t all sleep with their mothers or fancy their fathers and you lost the base of your theory
Freud: no need to be vulgar
Artaud screams
Freud: nobody move! It is fine, he is fine
Five Times As Wise
An original play written for the 2021 Edinburgh Fringe Festival performance of the Fiery Floods Theatre Company.
Detective Hook
What if Tinkerbell was evil, Peter Pan was a narcissistic psychopath and Tiger Lily had been duped into believing she was in love? Join our new hero Hook in this twisted sequel of a classic story.
A full original play I wrote for The Fiery Floods Theatre Company back in 2021. It was an incredibly interesting brief to write as a sequel to the classic Peter Pan story. Full of dark twists and sinister aspects to the traditional 'hero' characters. I've included a section here. Please note all rights to the play including this passage here is owned by Fiery Floods Theatre Company. I just wrote it but I do not own it!
Act II, Scene II
Hook is sitting up at his desk, it’s midnight and there’s no sign of Tiger Lily although some of her things are strewn about the room. He has his maps up near the desk where he can see them and stacks of newspapers, he’s writing notes with a large quill and cigar in his mouth
Hook: now if I went here I’d be able to put him in there. Yes he wouldn’t be able to move, the dirty rat would be completely vulnerable
Enter Tiger Lily
Hook: hello my love
Tiger Lily has got all dressed up and heads to the front door
Hook: where are you off to?
Tiger Lily: somewhere, I’ll be back before dark
Hook: do you want me to come with you?
Tiger Lily: no, no I’ll be fine
Exit Tiger Lily
Hook gets up and goes to the window where he watches her walk away. She gets to the corner, stops, stares at nothing for a few seconds and then runs back. She reaches the door and knocks on it until he opens it
Tiger Lily: there’s a man outside
Hook: a man?
Tiger Lily: yes a man, just staring at the boat
Hook: where is he?
Tiger Lily goes to the window and points out: there! There he is!
Hook: darling I can’t see him
Tiger Lily: well I’m not going out again
Hook: are you sure there was someone out there?
Tiger Lily: of course! Do you think I would make something like that up?
Hook: no, no I don’t think so. He stays quiet for a while just thinking I’ll go out and have a look, you stay here
Tiger Lily: no!
Hook: okay, okay I won’t go. Do you want to go back to bed m’dear?
Tiger Lily: I want to drive the boat
Hook: you want to what?
Tiger Lily: I want to drive the boat
Hook: why do you want to drive the boat
Tiger Lily goes to the door and tries to open it, but Hook’s locked it so she stands there just staring before she turns to him: I want to drive the boat
Hook: well it’s my boat so I don’t think you should
Tiger Lily: why not? I can drive, I drove the Jolly Roger all the way from Skull’s Rock to Mermaid Lagoon
Hook: okay. Well maybe you can drive and when you get your own boat you can drive that, but right now we need to get you into bed
Tiger Lily: yes, yes I’m very tired
Hook: why don’t you –
Tiger Lily: there she is!
Hook turns around to where Tiger Lily is pointing (the corner of the room): who? Who is it?
Tiger Lily: her!
Hook: there’s no one there
Tiger Lily drops her bag and undoes her coat that she hurls to the floor: nobody believes me, nobody wants me around. I don’t even know why I try, why do I – she falls to the flooramong her coat and bag
Hook: what’s wrong m’dear? What can I do?
Tiger Lily: believe me. There is a man outside and a woman over there, and I can’t get rid of them, I can’t stop them, I can’t –
Hook: let’s get you into bed
Exit both
The lights inside flicker and on the stage falls a shadow of Tinkerbell from the corner where Tiger Lily pointed for a moment
Enter Hook
Hook: right, remove everything sharp…yes that’s the first thing. He goes and grabs all of the knives in the kitchen and stands there in the middle of the room holding them Now where do I put them? Where do I – what am I doing? What am I saying?! He goes over to the window and stares out, turning he looks at the audience What do I do?
Ugly Features
What does it mean to be ugly? In a stream of consciousness this play unravels one man’s past, present and future.
My first collaboration with The Fiery Floods Theatre Company back in 2019, I was asked to write certain passages of this play and edit others. I've included a section here. Please note all rights to the play including this passage here is owned by The Fiery Floods Theatre Company. I just wrote it but I do not own it.
This is where you are:
bathroom.
The stench of bleach as it swills around the bath.
Water thunders from the tap, drowning the bleach and veins of scarlet, pulling them down the plughole.
Wadded tissues stew in clotting blood clogging the toilet bowl.
A splatter effect of crimson punctuates the enamelled white. You'll clean that in a moment. The bleeding stutters. You remove a final, sodden flap of tissue. You drop it into the toilet. Now, pressing the flannel hard into the gap in your skin, you squeeze. Bleach sops out between your clenched fingers. Traces of bubble-gum pink run in jagged paths across your knuckles. Rinse out the flannel, apply cold water.
Using tissue now would result in irritating beads of shredded paper in the wound; contamination. You clench your elbow, pinning the flannel to your chest.
You screw the cap back on the empty bottle. Place it behind the bowl. Using another flannel wipe every surface which is contaminated. The trick to removing blood is to swirl the water, allowing it to settle means it sticks. You push the water, watching it contort in its eddy’s as it slides toward the drain. You tear the cleanest possible portion of linen from the shirt, bundling it against the wound until it oozes. Bleach, water, plasma, blood. The remainder of the shirt is screwed up with the flannel and loo role. You can still hear your dad’s rampage down stairs,
Mum screams again,
poor Mum.
Stuff the ball of evidence into the bin, you’ll
deal with it later.